Main Photo
Friday, October 30, 2015
Empty Bottle
drink till the bottom, do you want some?
If it weren't for the phone call, me alone I would fall back.
Sack the time we can drink your favorite wine.
In the drift of it all we have our fun,
tip and sip I know you like it that way.
Say I don't remember the last time you and I stayed up all night.
We already know we'll be up till the morning shines.
When did it become so difficult to come together?
Till the year started going so fast, we thought we had forever.
Everyday we move closer to that someplace, somewhere, hopefully over the rainbow.
With courage we keep ourselves propped up high,
don't fly to low, never let go of your own flow.
Sway from side to side, play that beat you like.
Sing with me all night, the bottle will keep you right.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Lost In Depth
I had become a police officer with high hopes, plans to arrive to a position in which to involve myself to a degree that would serve the people at a noble and respectable level. All I really got years into my dedication was a parole car, a cheap desk, and a salary to pay the bills. My work had become like a tedious and every day job, maybe worse, I felt lost in a daily grind which was a depth below extraordinary. It hadn't been this way before, I had been fueled with motivation and persistence, because I believed I could make happen for myself and the community I served whatever it was that was deemed right, to bring forth victory in our stride. Perhaps this place had something of a problem that for unknown reasons would attach itself to the unsuspecting, un-involved law enforcement officer that I had become.
It was a fatal accident that threw the course of my focus off the rails of the track I thought was to be my life's path. I had married to a girl in town that was for certain the sweetest, and most caring around, keeping me more than just happy. At the time I was advancing towards a lateral role when me and my Wife had our child, a baby girl. It made me feel as if I had a new calling in life, to raise this child as if it were to be my last, unfortunately that came to be true.
On a gloomy day in May, we packed baskets with fresh baked bread, cheeses, meats, and sparkling drinks, then we drove to a park to pass the Sunday in pleasure & peace. It was in a moment of distraction, my Wife and I argued jokingly, that our 18-month old daughter wandered towards the road that stretched out not far from where we sat under the shade of a tree. I remember hearing the vehicle approaching when my Wife's expression turned from joy to horror as she burst into shout, "Lexi!" she screamed. I turned, jumping to my feet with not a second to think, but it was too late, she was a foot away from the pavement. I lunged myself forward, running towards her while shouting her name as if it were to bring her to a halt, "Lexi! Lexi!" I shouted. The last thing I remember was the shadow of a man from the corner of my eye as I dove into the street after her. The car slammed it's brakes, and the screeching was the last I heard.
I awoke from a coma two weeks after the accident, my daughter died shortly after we were rushed to the hospital, the details of her condition are too gruesome to say, and so grueling for me to explain. Everything went down hill from there, I was no longer proving efficient at work, and our lives felt entrenched in a shadow that seemed to swallow us. In my Wife's eyes reflected the same cold, sorrow look I had on mine, our lives a tragedy, a dream sought but lost. Most nights I dreamed of a dark place, nothing was visible, but I could hear my daughter screaming for me, "Daddy! Daddy I'm here!", but I could never find her. A feeling began to grow on me, a feeling that she was still out there, existing in a place somewhere between now and the after, a place from which there was no return.
It was a late night, lightning rang above, it lit the dark sky, and rain poured heavily, clinking when it hit the roof of my patrol car. I was simply driving a routine route, an older industrial area of town when I came across a lot that had been empty for some time. Young teens staying out too late have been known to break into these lots, hoping to have fun getting intoxicated in the dark sheltered space away from public. As I drove around the property, I could see a light somewhere inside glow dimly, just as I simultaneously saw out of the corner of my eye a door which gave entrance inside swing shut.
I stepped out of the cruiser into the rain, and then through the door. It was dark inside, a darkness that was strangely thick like fog, insomuch that my flashlight only carried for a couple feet in front of me. There was an odor that smelt like engine grime, and there was an echo to my step as if the walls were a mile apart. It felt like my dream, and a part of me began to question whether or not it was.
I saw a light once more, so I walked towards the faint glow. "Daddy!", my daughter's scream came to me now in this dark place, then a confusion came over me like a haze. Again I could hear her, "Daddy! Daddy I'm here!", it came from the dim glow of light. I called her name, "Lexi!" I shouted, but then the light disappeared. I could hear muffled steps somewhere behind me, but when I turned my light could not shine forth far enough to reveal who approached.
From the depth of the dark it came, and it whispered "I will have you, I will have you like the child.", then it snarled "Before the end I will have you.". Standing now in silence, my hand shook with fright, and sweat rolled down my temples. What I saw were teeth, a drooling mouth hung wide open as the Phantom lunged forward.
I awoke in my patrol car, an other officer was knocking on my window, and after a brief search of the place we never did find anyone. I still continue to have the dream in which my daughter cries out to me from a dark place, but now I dream of the Phantom too. "Closer I am to having you, so close to being mine." it will say to me, and I feel there is nothing I can do to stop it. My Wife doesn't speak much anymore, she has become like a zombie, but then again so have I. When I look into her eyes I see darkness, lost in a depth that goes deep down, as if something has her from the inside.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
The Read
The first page read "Writings of Julio Varacova", but there was no date, and the following pages revealed no clues as to who the writer was exactly. He wrote various things, sometimes he wrote in Spanish as if the rhythm could only be captured in the language, and it ranged from love stories to nightmares, but none were about him. Sentences comprised experimentally, many times oddly, but they held onto me.
My attention became swallowed, and I did not want to cease reading, as if the book leaned in closely, whispering in my ear like to soon reveal a secret. It only caused me to listen more attentively. So engulfed now that my mind did not linger or drift away, not to the time, the place, or what it was that I had been doing before I began reading. What was it that I was reading?
I stared outward to my self from within the book, as if all that I was in touch with was my conscious, which was held trapped in the pages of the book. I could see my self, as if another person, but it was me, and my face held nothing but a blank stare, I was hollow. The light began to escape as the book slowly shut it's wide mouth, my mind still caught inside. Whoever this writer was, he certainly knew how to capture the reader.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Fallen Watch Tower
Monday, April 27, 2015
The Last Fight
Monday, April 13, 2015
The Owl In The Stump
Out here in the long stretch of the sun I forget about time, and the pressure of the things that do not matter which stand in line at my door.
Out here under visible stars I can breathe deep, there are no tears to weep so long as I have your company to keep.
Out there life becomes so difficult and complicated, insomuch that in result we enter our adult years searching for purpose in strange ideas and dark cults.
Out there happiness is confused with money and jewels, now so suddenly the weasel has dug mazes through what matters most, with no concern for you.
Out there we are a mess, scrambling to secure our own, doing whatever possible to place on others large debts so to claim that they owe.
I see it all so clearly now, but I'll do what I can to lead us through, to keep you happy & free.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Hero
Sunday, March 29, 2015
A Spark In The Dark
She described these monsters as nearly human, but their skin bald, torn, and stitched. She told me that I appear faintly like a ghost, and that I will likely remain visible for another day at the most. At that point I knew not what to think of the stories she told, but it was so difficult to find her insane for the immense detail in the things of which she spoke.
As a child she knew a life of the perfect norm, changing weather, and no knowledge of the depression which comes from being alone. She did not know of the anger which comes from struggle and loss. She did not know the sound nor feeling of a horrific beating heart. I fell victim to her tales, wanting to hear more and to see it all for myself. The move I would make next was far from smart, and what I was to experience next was nothing less then death & chaos.
The girl looked at me with teary, wide eyes, saying that they were coming for her now. This is when her figure began to disappear right in front of me. I had to act quickly, there was no room to be slow for now I could see ashes falling down from the sky as if it were snow. A spark flared behind her, growing into a gaping hole, and outward flowed a rolling fog. I couldn't leave her for I knew I would forever dream of her, so I did what I thought was brave... I followed her into the dark.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Cellar Door
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Shaped By Water
I am intuitive, following my heart has led me to safety and away from danger more than once.
I can almost precisely know what you are thinking or feeling, and because of this I can be nutritive to your soul.
My motions flow like a steady stream or at times like waves in a storm, test me and you will see just how punitive I can be.
I could fill any shape, change with the time, and blend with any crowd. With this trait I can find the crack through which to escape or fit in so well that I am not enshroud.
Deep like the ocean my emotions & thoughts will always be, this is why I am always so restricted and private, never so readily inclined to share.
Addicted I can so easily become, so understand why the strong devotions I hold, why I can have such a difficulty letting go, and the reason behind my adoration & admiration for you.
I can alter your perceptions, appear mystical at times, and surprise you with my actions. Most importantly I must keep balance if I hope to be a perfect paradigm.
I am Water.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Invisible Friend
The Invisible Friend always wishes to stay near and involved in the lives of his friends, hoping that he will continue to have opportunities to build further memories like the ones already shared. It is always of much importance to him that his friends are happy, and that they will live out successful experiences with little to no regrets as they look back on their history. Nothing would be greater than seeing the dreams of friends come true, and that their aspirations are never done in vain.
It hurts to hear of miserable times a friend must endure, and it breaks ones heart to know that time cannot be rewound for their sake nor can it be skipped, much unlike the streams of recordings you see everyday. Good memories are always wanting to be captured while those less desirable are attempted to be forgotten or left behind. As the Invisible Friend it is impossible to always be there, and the majority of the time it feels as if much has been missed when in the attempt to bring comfort. Though these memories cannot be erased, if it were possible for the Invisible Friend to do so then he would without hesitation upon a friends request, regardless of the experience that may be lost for it could always be gained in much more preferable ways.
Never feel sad if I am not around when you would like me to be, or if reunions have long lengths of time between. I would hate for you to forget what my face looks like, or to feel that I could do a million times better to stay in close contact. I am always here, and I want you to feel that I am always there for you when you need me. My friendship I strive to never break, and that forever it will remain warm & bright like those summer days we know so well.